Edo Land, Noboribetsu, Hokkaido. In the middle of mist-soaked forestland, a raspy, phlegmy male voice soars in exaggerated tones. It can only be a Japanese warrior of old. Somehow the Japanese have figured out that manliness is equated to raspy growls and throat hacks. True, true. The actor swings his sword in flamboyant circles and waits for tourists like me to take his photograph. This is Edoland, land of ninja and samurai, and we enter its gate ushered in by many a happy throat hack from the town mascot.

There are quaint houses modelled after ancient Japan, each dedicated to a different area of culture. There is even a treasure hunt you can pay to play, which will take you running from house to house looking for clues hidden in odd places. There is a temple of the Cat, housing a gigantic golden version of the knocking-paw cat we see in shop entrances. There is the House of Ghosts and Monsters, with buttons you have to press and curtains that will open to reveal ghost apparitions. (I never made it past the first exhibit.) There is an exorbitant costume and photography section with elaborate hairpieces to try on. And like all culture museums, there is a mini neighbourhood with wax figures illustrating life in ancient Japan–how they shaved each other’s heads and talked to each other in their rooms.

But my favourite is the Ninja House. “A maze of traps and illusions,” it claims, and indeed, the first room has a slanted floor to make you think that the room is tilting. I followed behind a gutsy tourist who helped to find all the hidden doorways and passages through the house.

Another exhibit displays the mysterious tactics and weapons of the Ninja. My conclusion is they don’t really want us to learn how they worked. It reads, “Stick to the wall, hold your breath, close your eyes and disappear.”

I wish Singapore had some strange, almost fictional-sounding hero to build a house for. Still I can imagine that an Old Singapore Land would be interesting. We could dress up as coolies and samsui women in the photo booth, and learn the secret techniques of the prata man.