Been meaning to post this for quite some time now but didn’t quite get to it. Had dinner one evening at coffee shop at Petir Road and though I tried hard not to stare, I could not help myself. At the next table was a Malay boy, probably in upper primary (he was in school uniform) and he was with a Chinese couple. It was obvious from their casual bantering that they had a close and warm relationship. The boy could speak fluent Mandarin and a smattering of dialect. Their whole dinner conversation was in Mandarin. That made me wonder and think about their relationship but at the same time, I could not help but ponder about my own identity.

And then today at dinner with Otterman and a group of friends, the issue of identity came about, amidst talk of IMF, how to pronounce ‘pho’ and mud on white shoes. It led me to thinking about that day at the coffee shop as well as a question a few kids asked me today, which was “Are you a Singaporean?”

It’s been something I’ve grappled with all my life and as I read the current history text book, I was reminded once again about roots and my identity. For lack of an easier explanation, I call myself Peranakan; and why not since I love my ‘hee pio’ soup and kasut maneks as mush as the next bibiks, my Mandarin is terrible while I feel so at ease when speaking Malay and most of my surviving great aunts wear kebayas still. But to put it simply, I’ve always felt more of a ‘chap chye’ cause of the rather complicated origins of my family. Let me try to confound the readers here as I did my kakis at the dinner table earlier.

My maternal grandfather was a Singaporean Baba while my maternal grandmama was an Indonesian Chinese from the Anambas Islands. My mum was born here but my grandpa’s early death meant that my grandma had to return to the Anambas Islands as a younger widow with 2 young kids in tow. My dad on the other hand, was born in the Anambas Islands but grew up in Singapore, attending Tao Nan School before WWII dashed his hopes of continuing his secondary education.

Anambas Islands – is it in the Caribbeans? Most people would have never heard of it. In our own native dialect, we refer specifically to ‘Pulau Siantan.’ Though a part of Indonesia’s Riau province, it is situated nearer to Tioman Island, Malaysia. I hear the waters and beaches are pristine though, each time my dad and uncle wax lyrical and sing praises of what I consider my ancestral home, around the makan table.

This post is just the start…I hope to find the time to discover and explore my heritage so that I can find my sense and place in time. Would love any information on the Anambas if you’ve come across it.

Ed’s note: Pulau Siantan is in the Anambas archipelago, Indonesia at (3.1666667 degreees North, 106.25 degrees East).